what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
