Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
