I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
