I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
