you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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