LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
