Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
