No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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