"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
