His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i've created a new STD.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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