Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
