That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
