There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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