Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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