Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
