I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
