my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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