The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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