he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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