I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
