I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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