There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
