Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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