my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
