it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's always time for handjobs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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