I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
