i already hear my dad disowning me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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