he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
