xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
