How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
