Just cropdusted the office
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
