If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
