I'd wear matching sweaters with you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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