i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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