k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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