You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
