It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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