they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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