i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
