ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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