he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
