Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
