why didn't you poke me back
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
