it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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