When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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