I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
