Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
