I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
