she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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