I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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