ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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