I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
