she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
