my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm always down for nudity.
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