i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
