He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
