Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
