It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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