Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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