I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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