You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
