I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
