Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
