Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
