I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
