Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
