the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
